Attribution: The Courage to Be Disliked
The Courage to Be Disliked
Deny Trauma
The Unknown Third Giant
Adlerian psychology is in line with Greek philosophy. Alfred Adler proposed an individual psychology based on his theories after splitting from Freud.
Why People Can Change
Focusing on past causes, and explaining things with cause and effect, leads to determinism: the present and future are already decided by the past and are unalterable. The past does not matter is the standpoint of Adlerian psychology. Adlerian psychology instead thinks about present goals. This is called teleology. Etiology is the study of causation and teleology is the study of the purpose of a phenomenon rather than its cause.
Trauma Does Not Exist
The existence of traumas is denied adamantly in Adlerian psychology. While the Freudian view of trauma is fascinating, treating the life as a vast narrative and an easily understandable causality and dramatic development that is very attractive. Adler denies this. No experience is in itself a cause of our success or failure. We are not determined by our experiences but the meaning we give them is self-determining. We make of them what suits our purposes. The self is determined by the meaning we give to the experiences.
People Fabricate Anger
Anger is a tool that can be taken out (or fabricated) as needed to achieve a goal such as asserting an opinion or making a person submit.
How to Live Without Being Controlled by the Past
Regardless of what happened in the past, it is only the meaning that it is ascribed to it that affects the present. We cannot go back to the past or change it.
People are not driven by past causes. Instead, they move toward goals that they themselves set.
Socrates and Adler
Everyone can change. The first step to change is knowing. You should arrive to answers on your own.
Are You Okay Just As You Are?
It is okay for you to be you. If you are unable to feel happy, you must move forward. Focus on what you can make of what you have.
Unhappiness is Something You Choose For Yourself
If you are unhappy, it is because you judged being unhappy to be good for you.
People Always Choose Not to Change
Lifestyle is a term for the tendencies of thought and action of a person in life as defined in Adlerian psychology. It is the way that one's life should be and something that you choose for yourself.
People are constantly selecting their lifestyles. Adlerian psychology is a psychology of courage. You might be lacking in the courage to be happy.
Your Life is Decided Here and Now
If you are unhappy, what you should do is make a decision to stop your current lifestyle.
You should not choose to not try something because you are afraid your dreams will be shattered. Even if you fail, you will grow, and then you can move on. It is strong medicine.
One will have to change. You must choose your lifestyle. It may seem hard, but it is simple.
The past does not exist, there is no such thing as trauma, and the environment does not matter. You, living in the here and now, are the one who determines your own life.
What philosophy is Adlerian psychology aligned with?
Greek philosophy
Who proposed an individual psychology after splitting from Freud?
Alfred Adler
What is the fundamental view of the past in Adlerian psychology?
The past does not exist
What does Adlerian psychology focus on instead of events in the past?
Present goals
Thinking about present goals as the explanation instead of past causes is an example of?
Teleology
What is the study of the purpose of a phenomenon rather than its cause?
Teleology
What is the Adlerian psychology standpoint on what traumas are (that is held adamantly)?
Past traumas do not (even) exist
What is the meaning of past traumas (which do not really even exist) in Adlerian psychology?
The meaning we give them
Anger is just an example of what according to Adlerian psychology?
A tool that can be used to achieve a present goal
What are two goals that anger might be fabricated for according to Adlerian psychology?
Asserting an opinion, making a person submit
Rather than being driven by past causes, according to Adlerian psychology, people do what?
Move toward present goals
How should you get answers according to the philosopher who talked about Adlerian psychology?
Arrive to them yourself
What should you do if you are unable to feel happy as you are according to Adlerian psychology?
Make a decision to choose a different lifestyle
What term in Adlerian psychology is the tendencies of thought and action of a person in life?
Lifestyle
What is the concept called in Adlerian psychology that is similar to personality or disposition?
Lifestyle
If you are unhappy as you are now, yet are scared of the uncertainty following if you choose to change, it is essentially what that is stopping you from being happy?
Lack of courage
What simple point is made to argue that the rest of your life is determined in the current moment?
The past does not exist
What is the main point to accept to understand why it is necessary to think in terms of teleology rather than Freudian etiology (Adlerian psychology)?
People can change
What concept is more suited to reasoning about things than looking for past traumas or causes from the standpoint of Adlerian psychology?
Teleology
Where and when can a person change (choose a different lifestyle) according to Adlerian psychology?
At any time and in any environment
According to Adlerian psychology, at what age does a person typically choose their lifestyle?
10
What term in Adlerian psychology could be taken to mean a person's worldview and outlook on life?
Lifestyle
In a broad sense, what term from Adlerian psychology also means how one sees themself and the world?
Lifestyle
What is the approach used in Adlerian psychology that helps a person to accept themselves as they are currently and then gain the courage to move forward?
Encouragement
How is the lifestyle of a person determined according to Adlerian psychology?
They choose it
What phrase might describe advice that it is better to try, fail, grow, and move on than be afraid to try?
Strong medicine
What is the way a person could eliminate all of their problems according to Adlerian psychology?
Live alone in the universe
If being alone is not what makes you feel lonely, what is it that makes you feel lonely?
Feeling excluded from people around you
Why You Dislike Yourself
What is the goal of someone who does not like themself? Could not liking oneself be judged as a virtue?
{{c1::Encouragement}} is the approach of assisting someone accepting themselves as they are right now and having courage to improve.
The goal of not being hurt in relationships is served by not liking yourself. You can use your shortcomings as a justification why you are alone.
To get rid of one's problems, all one can do is live in the universe all alone, but one cannot do this.
All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problems
Being alone is not what makes you feel lonely. Loneliness is a feeling of being excluded from people around you.
Adler asserts that all problems are interpersonal relationship problems.
Feelings of Inferiority are Subjective Assumptions
Feelings of inferiority are subjective interpretations. Comparing yourself to another person (an interpersonal relationship) causes a subjective feeling of inferiority.
An Inferiority Complex is an Excuse
Feelings of inferiority are something everyone has and there is nothing bad about them themselves.
People enter this world as helpless and have a universal desire to escape the helpless state: the {{c1::pursuit of superiority}} (hoping to improve or perusing an ideal state). Everyone is in this condition of wanting to improve. On not being able to reach one's ideals, one has a sense of being lesser. The feeling of inferiority can promote striving and growth along with the pursuit of superiority.
There are people who lose the courage to take a step forward and lose sight of the fact that the situation can be changed through realistic efforts.
The inferiority complex must not be confused with a feeling or feelings of inferiority.
Complex refers to an abnormal mental state made up of a complicated groups of emotions and ideas. For example, the Oedipus complex.
The {{c1::inferiority complex}} is a condition of using feelings of inferiority as an excuse (examples: I am not well educated so I cannot succeed, I am not good looking so I cannot get married).
Braggarts have Feelings of Inferiority
A {{c1::feeling of inferiority}} is a condition that is too heavy to endure forever: the healthiest way to compensate is to strive and grow. People who lack the courage to take steps forward and grow end up having an inferiority complex.
The {{c1::superiority complex}} is when one is suffering from strong feelings of inferiority and cannot tolerate the {{c2::inferiority complex}}. To compensate in a different easy way, it is to act as if one indeed is superior and fabricate a feeling of superiority.
Making a show of being on good terms with an authority is a fabricated feeling of superiority and at the base of this is an intense feeling of inferiority.
A person who boasts about their achievements and recalls their past glories can be said to have a {{c1::superiority complex}}. A person who brags only does so out of a feeling of inferiority (someone who really has confidence does not feel the need to boast).
Bragging about one's own misfortune: a person who has a boasting way of saying how their upbringing or past was hard, and then who says "you don't understand how I feel" is making themselves special by way of their misfortune and do so to try to place themselves above others. Using misfortune as an advantage to control another party, to make them worry, and restrict their speech and behavior shows how weakness can be strong. The strongest person in our culture would be the baby because they rule and cannot be dominated through their weakness.
Life Is Not a Competition
The image is of people moving forward and people moving forward behind them. It is not a mindset of competition. It is enough to just keep moving in a forward direction without competing with anyone. There is no need to compare ourselves to others. We do not walk in order to compete with others. It is only to progress past who one is now.
A heathy {{c1::feeling of inferiority}} comes from a comparison with one's ideal self, not others. Other people are different from us and are different. We are not the same, but we are equal.
You're the Only One Worrying About Your Appearance
If there is competition at the core of {{c1::interpersonal relationships}}, it will not be possible to avoid problems. When one is conscious of competition, victory, and defeat, it is inevitable that feelings of inferiority will arise, and the inferiority and superiority complex are extensions of that.
It could become that every person in the world is seen as your enemy. Enemies who must never be underestimated. Even if you keep winning, if you place yourself in competition, you will never have peace. Living in competition will make the world seem a perilous place overflowing with enemies.
From Power Struggle to Revenge
There is a difference between {{c1::anger}} (a tool for making others submit) and {{c2::righteous indignation}} (which goes beyond one's own interests).
If someone is abusive to you, think about their hidden goal; the person is challenging you to a {{c1::power struggle}}. The goal may be to get in a fight, and then prove their power by winning the fight. Do not get taken in by the provocation. If you engage in a {{c1::power struggle}} and the other person withdraws, then the person will move to the next stage: {{c2::revenge}}.
When one is challenged to a power struggle, do not allow yourself to be taken in.
Admitting Fault is Not Defeat
What to do when attacked personally? When you are challenged, step down from the conflict as soon as possible. That is the only thing you can do.
Anger is a form of communication and communication is possible without using it. You can convey your thoughts and intentions without any need for anger. A person who understands with experience that they can communicate through language and the language of logic will not have {{c1::anger}}. People with short tempers do not know effective ways to communicate other than {{c1::anger}}.
In every power struggle, try not to criticize the other person even if you believe you are correct. If you are convinced you are right in an interpersonal relationship, you have stepped into a power struggle. The focus of the discussion changes to the state of the interpersonal relationship and becomes a contest. If you are right, the matter is closed. Do not try to make others submit to you.
Admitting a mistake is not admitting defeat. One with the mindset of not wanting to lose cannot admit their mistake. Admitting mistakes, apologies, and stepping down from power struggles are not losing. Focusing on winning and losing will cloud your judgement and cause you to turn down the wrong path. Take away the lenses of winning and losing in order to correct and change ourselves.
Overcoming the Tasks That Face You in Life
Clear objectives are laid out for human behavior and psychology. There are two objectives for {{c1::behavior}} in Adlerian psychology: to be self-reliant and live in harmony with society. There are two objectives for {{c1::psychology}} in Adlerian psychology: the consciousness of having ability and the consciousness of having comrades.
The objectives for behavior and psychology can be achieved by facing {{c1::life tasks}}. Tasks of {{c2::work}}, {{c2::friendship}}, and {{c2::love}} are all together the {{c1::life tasks}}. The {{c1::life tasks}} should be thought of in terms of {{c2::interpersonal relationships}} and the distance and depth of them.
One has no choice but to confront the {{c1::life tasks}} (Adlerian psychology).
Regardless of the kind of work, there is no work that can be completed all by oneself. Work that can be completed without the cooperation of other people is not feasible.
Interpersonal relationships of work may have the lowest hurdles. There is a common objective of getting good results. As long as the relationship is formed solely on the basis of work, it goes to being that of an outsider outside of work hours or when changing jobs. People who get tripped up here are the NEETs.
Red string and rigid chains
Tasks of friendships are relationships outside of work that are difficult to initiate or deepen. The distance and depth of the relationship are the important things to think about, not the number of friends.
Do not wait for others or the situation to change. You must start the change by changing yourself.
Tasks of love are divided into two stages: love relationships and relationships with family, in particular parent-child relationships. Tasks of love are the most difficult. A friend relationship that changes to love changes the relationship in ways such as not allowing speaking to others of the opposite sex because of jealousy (think of the deepness and closeness of the relationship). Relationships in which people restrict each other will fall apart. A relationship that feels oppressive or strained is not {{c1::love}}. Real {{c1::love}} should allow the person to be able to act how they like.
Parent-child relationships are like rigid chains while the other love relationships are like red strings. You must not runaway even if the end you are going to cut it with scissors. The worst thing to do is to stand still with the situation as it is. {{c1::Self-reliance}} as an individual and {{c1::cooperation}} within society are the overarching objectives that can be achieved by surmounting the {{c2::life tasks}}.
Don't fall for the life lie
The state of coming up with all matter of pretexts in order to avoid the life tasks is the {{c1::life lie}}. One shift's responsibility for the current situation to someone else. It is to say that the problems are due to other people or the situation.
A person chooses their own lifestyle. It is clear where the responsibility lies. The issue is again one of courage. If you are avoiding the {{c1::life tasks}} and clinging to a {{c2::life lie}}, it is not an {{c4::evil thing}}; it is only an issue of {{c3::courage}}.
From the psychology of possession to the psychology of practice
Adlerian psychology is a psychology of courage and not a psychology of possession, but a psychology of use. It is not what you have or were born with, but what use you make of that equipment. It is you who decides how you use what you have. It is a psychology of use. We are not at the mercy of etiological cause and effect traumas. From the standpoint of teleology, we choose our own lifestyles and lives.
Adler claimed that all problems originate from what?
Interpersonal relationships
What two notable things did Adler say are important stimulants toward growth?
Feelings of inferiority and the pursuit of superiority
What was something that Adler pointed out is very strong and powerful?
Weakness
What option is possible in romantic love but not in the parent-child relationship?
Separation
What is a young person not in employment, education, or training?
A NEET
Why are many people unable to feel happy, even as they are building their success in the eyes of society?
They are living in competition
Other people are different from us, we are not the same, and
we are equal
What behavior is an inverted feeling of inferiority?
Boasting
What refers to an abnormal mental state made up of complicated groups of emotions and ideas?
A complex
What name is given to the condition where a person uses feelings of inferiority as an excuse?
E.g. I am not well educated so I cannot succeed. I am not good looking so I cannot get married.
The inferiority complex
If someone uses their misfortune or feelings of inferiority in order to feel special, what will that person always need?
Their misfortune or feelings of inferiority
What is someone trying to do to others by displaying their feelings of inferiority so that others will treat them with gentleness?
Control them
What is the condition of using feelings of inferiority as an excuse?
The inferiority complex
To make a show of being on good terms with a powerful person actually shows aspects of what condition?
The superiority complex
What is the healthiest way to compensate for feelings of inferiority?
Strive/grow
What describes the condition of suffering from strong feelings of inferiority combined with being unable to tolerate the inferiority complex leading to acting as if one is superior and fabricating a feeling of superiority?
Superiority complex
What can a person who boasts about their achievements and past glories be said to have?
A superiority complex
A person who really has confidence does not do what according to Adlerian psychology?
Boast
A person who boasts out loud does not have what?
Confidence in themselves
What type of person in society is an example that shows how weakness has power (to control another party, make them worry, or restrict their speech and behavior)?
A baby (through their weakness, they cannot be dominated)
What way of living will make the world into a perilous place overflowing with enemies who cannot be underestimated?
Living in competition
Rather than having a mindset of competition, what is the ideal mental image of yourself and everyone else?
People moving forward and people moving forward behind them
What is the "attributing of purpose"?
Teleology
What is the healthiest kind of compensation (The Courage to be Disliked)?
Striving and growth
What is the special mental state that the inferiority complex can develop into where one cannot tolerate that complex so they indulge in a fabricated feeling of superiority and act as if they are superior?
Superiority complex
Applying oneself to one's studies, being engaged in training, and being diligent in one's work are healthy forms of compensation that may be described as what?
Striving and growth
A person who boasts about their past achievements can be said to have what?
A superiority complex
What is the example of boasting/superiority complex that is a pattern leading to a particular feeling of superiority that manifests due to the feeling of inferiority itself becoming intensified?
Bragging about one's own misfortune
Does the pursuit of superiority have anything to do with competition with other people?
No
When you are able to feel what, the world will not seem so perilous, you will not be plagued by needless doubts, and your interpersonal relationship problems will decrease dramatically?
People are my comrades
What is the reason why many people do not feel happy as they are building their success, something that makes the world to seem to be full of enemies?
They are living in competition
What will a person not be able to avoid if there is competition at the core of their interpersonal relationships?
Interpersonal relationship problems
All problems are what (Adler's definition)?
Interpersonal relationship problems
What is the mindset of taking a single step forward on one's own feet?
The pursuit of superiority
What gets in the way when one is trying to be themselves (The Courage to be Disliked)?
Competition
To acknowledge that other people are different from us, everyone is different, and yet every person has equal value, is part of the pursuit of superiority that does not involve what?
Competition
What does a baby rule over adults with (Adler)?
Weakness
A person who gives authority probably has signs of what?
The superiority complex
What is when one makes a show of being on good terms with a powerful person?
Giving authority
What kind of world do we live in (The Courage to be Disliked)?
A subjective world
What is a complex mental state made up of a complicated group of emotions and ideas?
A complex
Falling for the life lie is an issue of what?
Lack of courage
Who was the first to discuss "feeling of inferiority" as it is used today?
Adler
The image of people moving forward and people moving forward behind them from Adlerian psychology is a reminder of what?
It is enough to just move forward without competing with anyone
In the image of people moving forward from Adlerian psychology, what is the reason we walk forward?
To progress or grow from where we are right now (not to compete with others)
Healthy feelings of inferiority come from a comparison with?
One's ideal self (not others)
What, if present at the core of interpersonal relationships, will make it not possible to avoid interpersonal relationship problems?
Competition
Why is righteous indignation different from personal anger?
Righteous indignation goes beyond one's own interests
What should you do when a person challenges you to a power struggle?
Step away/do not get taken in
What is really the only option when someone challenges you, attacks you personally, or is being abusive (challenging you to a power struggle)?
Step away/do not get taken in
What might cause the anger emotion to disappear?
Understanding you can communicate with language and the language of logic without anger
People with short tempers do not know what?
Other ways to communicate that are not anger
Rather than use anger, what should you use to communicate with others?
Language and the language of logic
What might be a useful tool to take out or fabricate if you wanted to assert an opinion forcefully and make a person submit to you?
Anger
If you believe yourself to be right, why is it pointless to engage in any contest?
If you are right, the matter is closed
What may cause you to be unable to admit a mistake, apologize, or step away from a power struggle by clouding your judgement?
Focusing on winning and losing
What are three things that a person focused on winning and losing will have difficulty doing?
Apologizing, admitting a mistake, and stepping away (from a power struggle)
What are the two objectives of human behavior according to Adlerian psychology?
Being self-reliant and living in harmony with society
In addition to being self-reliant, what is the other objective of human behavior according to Adlerian psychology?
Living in harmony with society
In addition to living in harmony with society, what is the other objective of human behavior according to Adlerian psychology?
Being self-reliant
Consciousness of what two things are the objectives of human psychology according to Adlerian psychology?
Having ability and having comrades
In addition to having consciousness of having ability, what is the other objective of human psychology according to Adlerian psychology?
Consciousness of having comrades
In addition to having consciousness of having comrades, what is the other objective of human psychology according to Adlerian psychology?
Consciousness of having ability
How can all of the objectives of both human behavior and human psychology be achieved according to Adlerian psychology?
Facing the life tasks
What are the three kinds of life tasks in Adlerian psychology?
Work, friendship, and love
The tasks in Adlerian psychology are thought of in terms of what two qualities of interpersonal relationships?
Distance and depth
What is it called to help a person accept themselves as they are now and then take steps forward (Adlerian psychology)?
Encouragement
Who are the people who get tripped up by the easiest of the life tasks, the tasks of work?
NEETs
What is probably a major goal of someone who chooses a lifestyle where they choose to dislike themselves?
To avoid interpersonal relationships
When considering tasks of friendship in Adlerian psychology, what things are more important to consider than the number of friends?
Distance and depth of the interpersonal relationships
Rather than waiting for others or the situation to change, what should one do according to Adlerian psychology?
Change yourself
What are the two subtypes of tasks of love in Adlerian psychology?
Love relationships and family relationships
What are the images given of parent-child relationships and love relationships in the philosophy of Adlerian psychology?
Rigid chains and red strings
What does Adlerian psychology call the state of coming up with all matter of pretexts in order to avoid the life tasks?
The life lie
To say that problems are due to other people or the situation is to fall for what?
The life lie
Is falling for the life lie an evil thing to do?
No
What does it indicate about a person when they fall for the life lie?
They lack courage
If you find yourself falling for the life lie, what do you need to do?
Have more courage
It would be a mistake to think that someone who is falling for the life lie is what?
Evil
Rather than being a psychology of possession, Adlerian psychology is a psychology of what?
Use
What does it mean that Adlerian psychology is a psychology of use?
It is not what you have, but what use you make of it
Realizing that Adlerian psychology is a psychology of use (not possession) and that it is you who decides how to use what you have raises the issue of what?
Lifestyle/choosing your lifestyle
How should you view or try to view other people according to Adlerian psychology?
As comrades
One might think that you should seek recognition from those who you consider comrades, but what is the standpoint of Adlerian psychology?
One must not seek recognition from others
If you engage in a [...] and the other person withdraws, then the person will move to the next stage: [...].
If you engage in a power struggle and the other person withdraws, then the person will move to the next stage: revenge.
Real [...] should allow the person to be able to act how they like.
Real love should allow the person to be able to act how they like.
The state of coming up with all matter of pretexts in order to avoid the life tasks is the [...].
The state of coming up with all matter of pretexts in order to avoid the life tasks is the life lie.
[...] as an individual and [...] within society are the overarching objectives that can be achieved by surmounting the [...].
Self-reliance as an individual and cooperation within society are the overarching objectives that can be achieved by surmounting the life tasks.
If you are avoiding the [...] and clinging to a [...], it is not an [...]; it is only an issue of [...].
If you are avoiding the life tasks and clinging to a life lie, it is not an evil thing; it is only an issue of courage.
A person who understands with experience that they can communicate through language and the language of logic will not have [...].
A person who understands with experience that they can communicate through language and the language of logic will not have anger.
A person who boasts about their achievements and recalls their past glories can be said to have a [...].
A person who boasts about their achievements and recalls their past glories can be said to have a superiority complex.
The objectives for behavior and psychology can be achieved by facing [...].
The objectives for behavior and psychology can be achieved by facing life tasks.
One has no choice but to confront the [...] (Adlerian psychology).
One has no choice but to confront the life tasks (Adlerian psychology).
A relationship that feels oppressive or strained is not [...].
A relationship that feels oppressive or strained is not love.
If there is competition at the core of [...], it will not be possible to avoid problems.
If there is competition at the core of interpersonal relationships, it will not be possible to avoid problems.
The [...] is when one is suffering from strong feelings of inferiority and cannot tolerate the [...].
The superiority complex is when one is suffering from strong feelings of inferiority and cannot tolerate the inferiority complex.
Tasks of [...], [...], and [...] are all together the [...].
Tasks of work, friendship, and love are all together the life tasks.
There are two objectives for [...] in Adlerian psychology: the consciousness of having ability and the consciousness of having comrades.
There are two objectives for psychology in Adlerian psychology: the consciousness of having ability and the consciousness of having comrades.
People with short tempers do not know effective ways to communicate other than [...].
People with short tempers do not know effective ways to communicate other than anger.
People enter this world as helpless and have a universal desire to escape the helpless state: the [...] (hoping to improve or perusing an ideal state).
People enter this world as helpless and have a universal desire to escape the helpless state: the pursuit of superiority (hoping to improve or perusing an ideal state).
A [...] is a condition that is too heavy to endure forever: the healthiest way to compensate is to strive and grow.
A feeling of inferiority is a condition that is too heavy to endure forever: the healthiest way to compensate is to strive and grow.
If someone is abusive to you, think about their hidden goal; the person is challenging you to a [...].
If someone is abusive to you, think about their hidden goal; the person is challenging you to a power struggle.
There are two objectives for [...] in Adlerian psychology: to be self-reliant and live in harmony with society.
There are two objectives for behavior in Adlerian psychology: to be self-reliant and live in harmony with society.
The [...] is a condition of using feelings of inferiority as an excuse (examples: I am not well educated so I cannot succeed, I am not good looking so I cannot get married).
The inferiority complex is a condition of using feelings of inferiority as an excuse (examples: I am not well educated so I cannot succeed, I am not good looking so I cannot get married).
A heathy [...] comes from a comparison with one's ideal self, not others.
A heathy feeling of inferiority comes from a comparison with one's ideal self, not others.
There is a difference between [...] (a tool for making others submit) and [...] (which goes beyond one's own interests).
There is a difference between anger (a tool for making others submit) and righteous indignation (which goes beyond one's own interests).
[...] is the approach of assisting someone accepting themselves as they are right now and having courage to improve.
Encouragement is the approach of assisting someone accepting themselves as they are right now and having courage to improve.
The [...] should be thought of in terms of [...] and the distance and depth of them.
The life tasks should be thought of in terms of interpersonal relationships and the distance and depth of them.
Deny the desire for recognition
Seeing others as comrades will change the way of looking at the world.
Adlerian psychology denies the need to seek recognition from others. One must not seek recognition.
Do not live to satisfy the expectations of others
Being recognized is something to be happy about but it is absolutely not necessary.
Reward and punishment education is part of the cause of why people want recognition. Adler was very critical of education using reward and punishment.
You are not living to satisfy other people's expectations. You are living only your own life. You are living it for yourself. We live thinking about ourselves.
How to separate tasks
Consider each task from the perspective of whose task it is. Do not intrude on other people's tasks. That is all there is to it, but you must separate tasks. Interpersonal relationship problems are caused by intruding on other's tasks.
There is a simple way: think who is going to receive the result by the choice that is made. A child who does not study has to deal with the result so studying is the child's task. The thing to do is just let the child know that their task is studying and to let them know that you can help if they request it. Do not meddle if they do not ask for help.
Forcing change while ignoring the person's intentions will only lead to a bad reaction. You are the only one who can change yourself.
Discard other people's tasks
Intervening in other people's tasks turns the life heavy and full of hardship. Learn the boundary of where here on, that is not my task, and discard other people's tasks. This is the first step to lightening the load and making life simpler.
How to rid yourself of interpersonal relationship problems
It does not matter what you make your parents feel. All you can do is choose the best path that you believe in. What judgement people pass on that choice is their tasks. What people think of you is their task. Do not worry about what other people think of you: that would be worrying about other people's tasks.
If you are worried about what other people think of you, you have not done the {{c1::separation of tasks}}.
Remember it isn't your job at work to be liked by everyone. To think you cannot do your work because you have been shunned by your boss would be to fall for the life lie. That you think or claim you have an awful boss may be a teleological way to excuse yourself from doing work.
The unreasonable emotions of another person are their tasks.
One should ask: whose task is this? Then do the separation of tasks. Up to what point does one own's tasks go? Do not intervene in other people's tasks and do not let others intervene in your tasks.
Cut the gordian knot
Is a way of living that draws these boundaries a good way to live?
Alexander the Great learned of a chariot secured to a pillar by a former king and there was a local legend that who unraveled the knot would be the master of Asia. Many tried to untie it but they couldn't. Alexander saw the knot and immediately pulled his sword out and sliced it in half. He then declared that destiny is brought about by clearing away with one's own sword.
The bonds in our interpersonal relationships can be severed by a similar approach. The gordian knot is a good idea to remember when considering the separation of tasks.
Separation tasks is the gateway to interpersonal relationships, not the goal of them. Good interpersonal relationships require a good degree of distance. The distance must not be too great either. Be ready to lend a hand when needed but do not encroach on their territory.
We must also not seek reward or be tied to it in interpersonal relationships.
Desire for recognition makes you unfree
Someone deciding their own path might get lost at times and face the question of how one should live.
An adult choosing an unfree way of living will criticize a youth living freely as hedonistic: it is a life lie that the adult uses to justify their own unfree life. An adult who has chosen freedom themselves will instead cheer on the will to be free.
What real freedom is
It may be that no person would actually want to be disliked. Even so, people will dislike you regardless of your efforts. The universal not wanting to be disliked was called inclination by Kant.
Following the desires and impulses is not freedom. Real freedom is to push up from those natural desires and impulses: we are beings capable of resisting inclination. We can climb uphill. The natural desire for recognition is an inclination that we can resist and push away. All problems are interpersonal relationship problems: we seek release from interpersonal relationships. It is impossible to live alone in the universe. The conclusion is that freedom is being disliked by other people. It is proof that you are exercising your freedom and in accordance with your own principles. It is distressful to be disliked. But conducting oneself in a way to not be disliked by anyone is unfree and impossible. The cost of freedom in interpersonal relationships is that one is disliked by other people.
To follow through in one's way of living, one must not fear being disliked and also pay the cost that one is never recognized. Do not be afraid of being disliked. This does not at all mean you should engage in wrongdoing. Simply separate tasks. A person who does not think well of you: it is not your task. Do not have a reward-oriented way of thinking. Move forward and do not fear the possibility of being disliked. Climb the slope that lies ahead rather than rolling down the hill according to the inclinations.
The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. With this courage, the interpersonal relationships change into things of lightness.
You hold the cards to interpersonal relationships
Many assume the cards are held by the other person. Trying to please others is like they have the cards. By grasping the separation of tasks, you notice that you hold all the cards.
If you change, only you change. Another person could change as a result, but it is not something you can intend to happen or predict. Another person changing is not your task or something that you can control.
Adlerian psychology strongly recommends that you completely deny the desire for what?
Recognition from others
What was Adler very critical about, and that is part of the cause of why people want recognition?
Reward and punishment education
How can you tell who a task belongs to according to Adlerian psychology?
Ask: who will be affected by the result?
What should you do with other people's tasks according to Adlerian psychology?
Discard them
What will happen to life if you cannot discard other people's tasks and intervene in them instead?
Life will be heavier and more complicated
What is the first step to lightening the load of interpersonal relationships and making life simpler according to Adlerian psychology?
The separation of tasks
What have you not done if you are worried about what other people think of you according to Adlerian psychology?
The separation of tasks
Should you intervene in other people's tasks according to Adlerian psychology?
No
What is the extent that you should be involved in other people's tasks according to Adlerian psychology?
You should offer help and help if they ask
If you were being shunned by your boss at work and thought you cannot do your job as a result, this is an example of what?
The life lie
Should you let other people intervene in your own tasks?
No
What knot did Alexander the Great cut with his sword even though legend said that whoever untied it would be the master of Asia?
The Gordian knot
What is a good idea to picture when considering the separation of tasks?
Alexander cutting the Gordian knot
The courage to be disliked is a part of the courage to do what?
The courage to be happy
The idea that you should be ready to lend a hand to others but not encroach on their territory is part of what?
The separation of tasks
What is the conclusion about what freedom is from Adlerian psychology?
Freedom is being disliked by other people
How is freedom being disliked by other people?
It is proof you are exercising your freedom and living in accordance with your own principles
If you are not living your life for yourself, then who is going to live it for you? This idea from the teachings of Judaism argues what point?
There is nothing wrong with living for yourself
What is the cost of freedom in interpersonal relationships according to Adlerian psychology?
Being disliked
What two things must one not worry about to follow through in one's way of living according to Adlerian psychology?
Being disliked and never being recognized
What did the philosopher say happens to interpersonal relationships if you have the courage to be disliked?
They turn into things of lightness
What allows one to unravel the threads of one's interpersonal relationships according to Adlerian psychology?
The separation of tasks
If you are worried about what other people think of you, you have not done the [...].
If you are worried about what other people think of you, you have not done the separation of tasks.
Individual psychology and holism
Adlerian psychology can be referred to as individual psychology. Reason and emotion cannot be divided, the mind and body cannot be divided, the conscious and unconscious mind cannot be divided. Each individual is a unified whole. Although these are separate things, different, or exist separately, it is the whole that makes choices. To think you do something because of emotion is the life lie. This is holism: the individual cannot be broken into parts.
The {{c1::separation of tasks}} is a way to unravel the threads of the complex entanglement of one's interpersonal relationships and make life lighter.
The goal of interpersonal relationships is a feeling of community
Community feeling is the goal in Adlerian psychology and a key concept that has been debated many times. If other people are our comrades and we are surrounded by them, then we should find a place of refuge and a desire to contribute: community feeling. The issue is what does community consist of? A house, school, workplace, local society? Adler refers to community as all of humanity and also the entire axis of time from the past to the future including plants, animals, and inanimate objects. The community is not just a framework but is literally inclusive of literally everything. Adler admitted the community feeling is an unattainable ideal, but it is essential to understanding his ideas.
{{c1::Community feeling}} is the most important index for considering the happiness state of {{c2::interpersonal relationships}}. {{c1::Interpersonal relationships}} are considered the source of both unhappiness and happiness in Adlerian psychology. Community feeling is also referred to as social interest: interest in society.
From the point of view of sociology, the smallest unit in society is two people. Society and community emerge with two people.
Why am I only interested in myself?
Attachment to self = self-centered. People who are incapable of separating tasks and cannot deny the desire for recognition are self-centered. They are concerned solely with themselves because they want to be liked by others. It is not concern for others; it is attachment to self. People not thinking well of you is proof you are living in freedom. Being attached to the I because you are constantly worried about how others think of you is to be self-centered.
You are not the center of the world
Each of us is a member of a community: where we belong. Feeling a place of refuge and a sense of belonging are basic human desires. They are part of the search for a place and relationships where one can feel it is okay to be there. The protagonist in one's life is the I. But the I does not rule the center of the world. It is only a member of the community and a part of the whole. You are not the world's protagonist.
People who hold the belief that they are the center of the world will lose their comrades before long. They see themselves as the protector of the world and every other person is there to serve them, but they do not live their life for that person and thus the person will be disappointed leading to disillusionment and then seeing them as enemies instead of comrades.
You are part of a community. Not the center of it.
In Adlerian psychology, in order to have the sense of belonging that it's okay to be here, we can attain this only be making an active commitment to the community of their own accord. One faces one's life tasks. Take steps forward on one's own without avoiding the tasks. One has to take their own steps forward with the tasks of interpersonal relationships. Ask: what can I give to this person. That is commitment to the community. By giving, one can find one's refuge. The sense of belonging comes from one's own efforts.
Listen to the voice of a larger community
The scope of community is infinite. Each person belongs to a different community, but they also belong to the universe. You belong to a larger community that is larger than the one you can see. You are contributing in some way to that community. Think of how the entire world is connected when you do something so simple as buy something from the store.
All of us belong to multiple communities. The household, the workplace, the country. If you regard school as the absolute community, naturally you will run into adversity in that community: not keeping up with school work, getting bullied. It is possible that with regard to this community, you will not have the sense of belonging. When that happens, if you think of school as being everything, you will not have the sense of belonging. You will escape into a smaller community such as the home. But there is a more separate and larger community: there is a larger world that extends far beyond the school and every one of us is a member there. If there is no refuge in the school, you can find a different community outside of the school such as a different school. All the hardship you went through in school was a storm in a teacup. When you leave, you will be greeted with a gentle breeze. The decision to withdraw is not easy and cannot be taken lightly.
When you run into difficulties in interpersonal relationships or when you can no longer see a way out, first and foremost consider this principle: listen to the voice of the larger community. Follow the common sense of a larger community.
Do not rebuke or praise
Carrying out the separation of tasks helps us to cooperate, act in harmony with each other, and create community feeling, by helping to form horizontal relationships.
Take the stance that in all forms of communication, one must not praise. Rebuking is not accepted either. One must not do either. The act of praise is like talking down to someone. In the act of praise, there is the aspect of it being the passing of judgement from a person of ability to a person of no ability. This unconsciously creates a hierarchical relationship. Praising is to manipulate someone with less ability than you. Rebuking also has the goal of manipulation. The intention of reward and punishment education is to manipulate children. Wanting praise or giving praise is proof of seeing the relationships as vertical. Refute all manner of vertical relationship and propose that they all be horizontal. This may be the fundamental principle of Adlerian psychology. Equal but not the same. Equal is to say horizontal.
The feeling of inferiority is a feeling that arises in vertical relationships. By building horizontal relationships, there is no room for the inferiority complex to emerge.
The encouragement approach
Offer assistance that does not turn into intervention. Assistance is not the same as intervention: it presupposes the separation of tasks and horizontal relationships. Help the person face the tasks on their own but do not force them. Assist the person to resolve their tasks by their own efforts. It is them who needs to face their tasks. Neither praise, nor rebuke. This is referred to as encouragement.
The first thing to do if you cannot face your tasks is to get courage.
Being praised leads people to believe that they have no ability. Giving praise is a judgement that is passed by a person with ability onto a person without ability. To choose praise as one's goal, you are choosing a way of living aligned with other people's systems of values. To assist others, do the separation of tasks, then build horizontal relationships, and then use the approach of encouragement.
How to feel that you have value
The most important thing is to not judge other people.
"Thank you" is an expression of gratitude that shows a person they have made a contribution. It is different than praise.
When a person is able to feel that they have worth, they can have courage. If one is able to feel that one has worth, then they can have the courage to face their life tasks. How can one feel that they have worth? It is simple: it is when one is able to feel that they are beneficial to the community. When one can feel that they are of use to others. Community feeling and encouragement connects here.
Exist in the present
Consider things at the level of being. People have use by being here. Be grateful for others at the level of being. Just by being alive, people support the psychological state of others and therefore are of use. Accept oneself on the level of being.
Do not compare someone to anyone else and be grateful that they exist as they are.
Someone has to start. Other people may not cooperate. Start with no regard to whether others are cooperative or not.
People cannot make proper use of self
Without regard to other people cooperating, start. Have a true sense of worth and appreciate others for simply existing.
The first thing to do: build a horizontal relationship between yourself and one other person. The issue of building vertical vs horizontal relationships is an issue of lifestyle. You must choose one or the other. If you are building even one vertical relationship, you will soon be treating them all as vertical. Building even one horizontal relationship is a major transformation in lifestyle and all interpersonal relationships after may tend to become horizontal.
In a company structure, it is natural for there to be different levels of responsibility. Be equal in consciousness and assert that which needs to be asserted.
Suppose as a result of following a boss's instructions, it results in failure. To say that it is the boss's fault, it is a life lie. There is space to refuse and propose a different way of doing things.
What is the idea that when a person makes a choice, it is not due to one or the other of emotion or reason, the conscious mind or unconscious mind, or the body or mind: it is the whole that makes the choice?
Holism
What is the goal of interpersonal relationships according to Adlerian psychology?
Community feeling
How does Adler define what the community is?
All humans, animals, plants, and inanimate objects from the past to the future (everything)
What is the smallest unit in society from the point of view of Sociology?
Two people
What simple everyday example can be thought about to appreciate how you belong to a much larger community than the one you can see, and that you are contributing to it?
When you do something so simple as buy something from the store, you can see how the entire world is connected
What is the most important index for considering the degree of happy state in interpersonal relationships?
Community feeling
What term in Adlerian psychology is also referred to as social interest: interest in society?
Community feeling
What will happen to people who hold the belief that they are the center of the world or its protector and that every other person is there to help them?
They will lose their comrades before long
What is the way one can find refuge in the community through taking their own steps forward?
Contribution to others (make efforts to help the community)
If you run into adversity and not being able to belong in the community that you consider your main community, what action to that situation would be a mistake?
Escaping into a smaller community such as the home
If you cannot find refuge in a community and it does not seem possible, what is the principle you should follow?
Listen to the common sense of a larger community
What metaphor describes when one has no refuge in school and then leaves to be in a larger community?
The hardship in school is like a storm in a teacup, and when you leave, you will be greeted with a gentle breeze
What is the stance taken in Adlerian psychology on what one must not do in communication?
Do not rebuke or praise
What might be the fundamental principle of Adlerian psychology?
Refute all manners of vertical relationships
Why is praise not accepted in communication in Adlerian psychology?
It unconsciously creates a vertical relationship
Why is rebuking not accepted in communication in Adlerian psychology?
It has the goal of manipulation
When saying "equal but not the same" in Adlerian psychology, to say equal is to say what?
Horizontal
What is the intention of reward and punishment education?
To manipulate children
What view is wanting praise or giving praise proof of?
Seeing relationships as vertical
What kind of interpersonal relationships are we trying to create by carrying out the separation of tasks?
Horizontal relationships
Rather than rebuke or praise, according to Adlerian psychology, one should do what?
Encourage
What is the essential way to (not) behave in order to build horizontal relationships?
Do not rebuke or praise
If we do not rebuke or praise in communication, what will this help us do according to Adlerian psychology?
Build horizontal relationships
What is referred to in Adlerian psychology as helping a person face their tasks but do not force them?
Encouragement
What phrase is an expression of gratitude that shows a person they have made a contribution and is different than praise?
Thank you
After doing the separation of tasks and building horizontal relationships, what is the approach that comes next according to Adlerian psychology?
Encouragement
To say "thank you" to someone is part of what approach in Adlerian psychology?
Encouragement
In considering the Adlerian psychology position that for a person to feel they have worth, they should feel they are beneficial to the community and are of use to others, how can this point be accepted while also considering people who might not be able to directly help the community such as those living in old people homes?
People support the psychological state of others just by being alive. Consider what would happen to loved ones if the people in the example had to go to the hospital
If you were struggling with the same problems as the character in the dialogue with the philosopher about Adlerian psychology, what would be the very first thing to do?
Build a horizontal relationship with one other person
If the issue of building vertical vs. horizontal relationships is taken to be an issue of lifestyle, what might be the consequential point to understand?
You must choose one or the other
If you were to build a single vertical relationship, you might soon be doing what?
Treating all of your relationships as vertical
Following your boss's instructions even though you know it will result in failure and saying it is the boss's fault is an example of what?
The life lie
In considering the example where your boss tells you to do something that you know will result in failure, to avoid lacking courage and falling back on the life lie, what must you remember?
There is space to refuse and propose a different way of doing things
The [...] is a way to unravel the threads of the complex entanglement of one's interpersonal relationships and make life lighter.
The separation of tasks is a way to unravel the threads of the complex entanglement of one's interpersonal relationships and make life lighter.
[...] are considered the source of both unhappiness and happiness in Adlerian psychology.
Interpersonal relationships are considered the source of both unhappiness and happiness in Adlerian psychology.
[...] is the most important index for considering the happiness state of [...].
Community feeling is the most important index for considering the happiness state of interpersonal relationships.
Excessive Self-Consciousness Stifles the Self
Not Self-Affirmation - Self-Acceptance
Switch from attachment to self (self-interest) to concern for others (community interest). Three things are needed to switch from self-interest to community interest: self-acceptance, confidence in others, and contribution to others.
The important thing is what use one makes of what they have. One changes one's way of looking at the I. Self-affirmation includes suggestions like "I am strong" and "I can do it" even when the person cannot really do it. Self-affirmation can have aspects of the superiority complex and lying. Self-acceptance is to accept one's incapable self as is and moving forward however they can. To accept oneself as one is, and think about how to get better, is self-acceptance. There is no need to be pessimistic. Nobody is perfect. All people are in the condition are wanting to improve (the pursuit of superiority) and there is no such thing as a perfect person.
Self-acceptance is an example of the separation of tasks: one cannot change what they have, but they can change what they use with what they have. Self-acceptance involves accepting what is irreplaceable and having the courage to change what you can change. The serenity prayer is a statement of self-acceptance, the separation of tasks, and accepting one's task of having the courage to make efforts to change the things one can.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
The Difference Between Trust and Confidence
Resignation is to have a firm grasp on the truth of things. Arriving at affirmative resignation as self-acceptance is not the same as reaching community feeling. Confidence in others becomes absolutely essential. Trust refers to something that comes with a set of conditions, like credit. The attitude of lending money on the condition that it will be paid back is based on trust. From the Adlerian psychology standpoint, the basis in interpersonal relationships is based on confidence, which is doing without any set conditions whatsoever when believing in others. One believes unconditionally. If one believes in others without setting any conditions whatsoever, one will be taken advantage of. There are times when one may suffer damages. Confidence would be to continue believing anyway. There are also times when people can deceive you.
Doubt is the antonym of confidence. To place doubt at the interpersonal relationships: the other person will detect your doubt and see that you do not have confidence in them. The position of unconditional confidence is necessary to build a deep relationship. Carrying out the separation of tasks makes life a simple form. The principle is easy to grasp but it is difficult to put into practice. Unconditional confidence is a means to make your interpersonal relationships more horizontal. If you do not want to make your relationship with a person better, then sever it. Carrying out the severing is your task. The goal of confidence is to build deep relationships. A shallow relationship will only bring slight joy each day and slight pain if it ends. The joy of interpersonal relationships, and life, comes from the courage to enter deeper relationships by having confidence in others.
Self-acceptance gives the courage to overcome the fear of being taken advantage of. Ascertain what one can do and cannot do, understand that taking advantage is the other person's task, and getting to the core of confidence in others is less difficult. We can believe, and we can doubt, but we aspire to see others as comrades. The choice should be clear.
The Essence of Work is a Contribution to the Common Good
Accept yourself as you are, and then have confidence in others. Other people to you now are comrades. Having confidence in others is very closely coupled to seeing them as comrades. This also means to find refuge in the community: it's okay to be here. One has to see others as comrades to feel it's okay to be here, which requires self-acceptance and confidence in others.
One who sees others as enemies do not have self-confidence and do not have confidence in others.
Community feeling is not attained solely through self-acceptance and confidence in others: this is where contribution to others comes into play. Attempt to contribute to others. Contribution to others is not self-sacrifice: do not sacrifice your life to others: that would be to conform to society too much. Contribution to others is something one does to be worth of the I. There is no need to sacrifice the self. Work is probably the most common kind. Labor is not a means of earning money, it is a way of helping others and feeling of use to others. It helps a person to accept their essential worth. Making money is a major factor too. But there are people with too much money to even use it all, but they continue to work. They work so that they can contribute to others and confirm their sense of belonging. This is also what wealthy people are doing when they focus on charitable activities.
Accepting one's irreplaceable this me just as it is: self-acceptance.
To place unconditional confidence at the base of one's interpersonal relationships: confidence in others.
Young People Walk Ahead of Adults
Contribution to others that are seen as enemies may indeed lead to hypocrisy. If others are seen as comrades, that should never happen, regardless of the contributions one makes.
The three ideas are more of a circular structure than an ordered structure. It is because one has self-acceptance that they can have confidence in others without being taken advantage of. It is because one can have confidence in others that one can also contribute to others. By making efforts to help the community, the circle closes because contributing to others helps one to have self-acceptance.
Overlap the two goals of psychology and behavior with this discussion. Self-reliance and the consciousness of having ability connects to the circular structure at self-acceptance. Living in harmony with society and the consciousness of having comrades connects to the circular structure at confidence in others and contribution to others.
It has been said that one needs half the number of years they have lived so far to truly understand Adlerian psychology. To start learning at an earlier age may mean you can change more quickly. Younger people walk ahead of the adults of the world in the sense that they can change more quickly. It is okay to lose your way. Do not be dependent on vertical relationships and do not be afraid of being disliked. Make your way forward freely. People can change regardless of their ages.
Workaholism is a Life-Lie
It is the person who attacks who has the problem.
If there are 10 people, one does not like you no matter what you do, two will accept you, and the remaining seven will be neither. A person lacking in harmony of life will see only the one person they dislike and make a judgement of the world from that.
Workaholics are focused on one aspect of life, and they justify it in some ways, but it is a life lie and they are lacking in harmony of life. They are trying to avoid their other responsibilities by using work as an excuse. One ought to concern themselves with everything. Adler does not recognize ways of living that have certain aspects that are unusually dominant. Work does not mean having a job at a company too. It can be a hobby or any manner of thing. A company is one small part of that.
Those who can accept themselves only on the basis of acts (with lives that lack harmony such as focusing on work like a father who considers themselves to have more worth than their family because they support it financially) will be damaged once they come to an age where they can no longer maintain the same acts such as when they cannot work any longer. One must accept themselves on the level of being, not acts.
You Can Be Happy Now
All problems = interpersonal relationship problems. And happiness is to be found in the interpersonal relationships too.
How can one be happy? For a human being, the greatest unhappiness is not being able to like oneself. The feeling of being of use to others is the only thing that can give a true awareness that one has worth. This is an important point. Contribution to others: it does not matter if the contribution is visible or invisible. It is the task of others to decide whether your contributions are of use. You cannot even really know that you have made a contribution. All we need is the subjective sense that I have contributed. Happiness is the feeling of contribution; this is the definition here. All human beings can be happy. This does not mean that they all are. Whether on the level of acts or being, one needs to have a feeling of contribution. To feel unhappy, means that you lack a feeling of contribution.
The reason people seek recognition: they want to like themselves and want to feel that they have worth. They seek recognition from others as an easy means to gain the feeling of contribution. There is no freedom in a feeling of contribution that is gained through a desire for recognition. One can have happiness only if one has freedom. Freedom in interpersonal relationships is a universal thing. A person obsessed with the desire for recognition does not have community feeling because they do not have self-acceptance, confidence in others, or contribution to others.
Community feeling should make the desire for recognition to disappear.
Summary
People can be truly aware of their worth only when they can feel that they are of use to someone. However, it does not matter if the contribution is of a visible form. It is enough to have the subjective sense of being of use to someone: the feeling of contribution. Happiness is the feeling of contribution.
How can one be happy? For a human being, the greatest unhappiness is not being able to like oneself. The feeling of being of use to others is the only thing that can give a true awareness that one has worth. This is an important point. Contribution to others: it does not matter if the contribution is visible or invisible. It is the task of others to decide whether your contributions are of use. You cannot even really know that you have made a contribution. All we need is the subjective sense that I have contributed. Happiness is the feeling of contribution; this is the definition here. All human beings can be happy. This does not mean that they all are. Whether on the level of acts or being, one needs to have a feeling of contribution. To feel unhappy, means that you lack a feeling of contribution.
The reason people seek recognition: they want to like themselves and want to feel that they have worth. They seek recognition from others as an easy means to gain the feeling of contribution. There is no freedom in a feeling of contribution that is gained through a desire for recognition. One can have happiness only if one has freedom. Freedom in interpersonal relationships is a universal thing. A person obsessed with the desire for recognition does not have community feeling because they do not have self-acceptance, confidence in others, or contribution to others.
Community feeling should make the desire for recognition to disappear.
Summary
People can be truly aware of their worth only when they can feel that they are of use to someone. However, it does not matter if the contribution is of a visible form. It is enough to have the subjective sense of being of use to someone: the feeling of contribution. Happiness is the feeling of contribution.
Two Paths Traveled By Those Wanting to Be "Special Beings"
Human beings have a universal desire called the pursuit of superiority. It is perusing an ideal state. Many children early on try to be particularly good, they study hard, excel at sports and extracurricular activities, and then when these do not go well, they do an about face and try to be especially bad. Either way, the goal is to attract the attention of other people and be seen as special. That is the only goal. One needs to make a constant effort is one is to produce significant results. These healthy efforts can be avoided by purposeful problematic behavior, who try to be especially bad. They are endeavoring to attract the attention of other people even as they avoid any such healthy effort.
This is referred to as the pursuit of easy superiority. It is an unhealthy attitude. If the goal is to be a special being, being rebuked is a form of attention, and the act of rebuking will then cause the behavior to continue. It is also related to revenge. One makes trouble for another person while trying to be special.
The Courage to Be Normal
Is being ordinary a bad thing? Self-acceptance is the vital first step. To have the courage to be normal, the way of looking at the world will change. Do not equate being normal with being incapable. One does not need to flaunt one's superiority.
Does one need to or should they make the choice to be normal? Does one need lofty goals in life?
Life is a Series of Moments
Do not treat life as a kind of story where the goal is to reach some goal such as the top of the mountain, treating the greater part of life that is tentative and simply to get the top of the mountain.
Think of the life less as a line and more of a series of small dots. Really, life is a series of moments. It is a series of moments called now. We can only live in the now. Our lives exist in these moments.
Live Like You're Dancing
Life is a series of moments that one lives as if they were dancing. Each passing instant. When one happens to survey their surroundings, they think, I guess I have made it this far. People who become lawyers or authors are dancing the dance of different things. None of these lives came to an end on route. It is enough to find fulfillment in the here and now and be dancing. Dance in the now. The dancing itself is the goal. There is no concern at arriving somewhere. One does not stay in the same place dancing. The kind of life that tries to reach a place may be termed a kinetic or dynamic life. The kind of dancing life may be called an energile life.
Ordinary motion as kinesis has a starting point and end point. The movement is optimal if carried out as efficiently as possible. With a destination, it is best to get there as fast as possible. The life is halfway because the goal has not been reached.
Energile means what is now forming, is what has been formed. It is movement that the process itself is treated as the outcome. If the goal is mountain climbing itself and not just getting to the top, it is energile. One could simply take a helicopter to the top of the mountain, that would be kinetic.
Shine a Light on the Here and Now
Life is a series of moments and neither the past nor the future exists. Do not focus on the past or the future. What happened in the past has nothing to do with now. What the future may hold is not a matter to think about now. Live in the here and now and do not be concerned with those things. Do not think in the etiological, Freudian way where the life is an entertaining story. Life is a series of moments: grasp this, and you will not need a story any longer. Lifestyle is about here and now and something one can change by their own volition. There is no story in the completely blank page, with no tracks for you to follow, which is the future. Do what you can do now.
The Greatest Life-Lie
Living earnestly here and now is itself a dance. Do not confuse being earnest with being too serious. Do not get too serious in life. There is no need to get too serious in life. Life is always complete when one has adopted an energile viewpoint.
The greatest life lie of all is to not live here and now. The greatest life lie is to look at the past and future and believe one has been able to see something. If you find yourself experiencing the life lie, try to shine a bright spotlight on the here and now. Have the courage to live in the moment earnestly and do not fall for the life lie. It is the here and now that decides.
Give Meaning to Seemingly Meaningless Life
When life is taken as a series of moments, what meaning can it have?
Life in general has no meaning. It is meaningless. The world we live in is beset by all manner of horrendous events, war, natural disasters. Children die in horrible ways. There is no general meaning of life. The incomprehensible tragedy without taking any action is tantamount to confirming them. We must stand up to Kant's inclination.
Suppose you experience a natural disaster. If you look to the past to see what happens, you should instead look forward and figure out what you can do from now on. Whatever meaning life has must be assigned to it by the individual. Adler is pointing you to choose a lifestyle where the world is seen as a good place and others are seen as comrades. You are the only one who can assign meaning to their life.
How to assign meaning to a meaningless life? You want to choose happiness and freedom. This is a natural place to lose one's way. The guiding star to a life of freedom is contribution to others. No matter what moments you are living or if others do not like you, simply do not lose sight of the guiding star in order to not lose your way, and you can do whatever you like. Do not look at the past or the future. Live each complete moment like a dance. There is no need to compete with others and there is no destination that you need to get to as fast as possible.
When you have danced here and now and in earnest, the meaning should become clear to you. The power of one person is great. My power is immeasurably great. If one changes, the world will change. This means that the world can be changed only by me. If I change, the world will change. No one else will change the world for me. It is like putting on glasses for the first time. It is not only a part of the visual field that becomes clear, but also the entire visible world.
Someone has to start. Other people might not be cooperative but that is not your task. Simply start with no regard to whether others are cooperative or not.
The world is simple and life is too.
What are the three things needed to switch from attachment to self (self-interest) to concern for others (community interest)?
Self-acceptance, confidence in others, and contribution to others
What is characterized by suggestions such as "I am strong" and "I can do it" even if they cannot do it and has aspects of the superiority complex and lying?
Self-affirmation
What is different from self-affirmation in that one accepts themselves as they are currently?
Self-acceptance
What might be a good term for the feeling of self-acceptance as you are now and seeing you are not as good as you would ideally be but nevertheless seeing that there is no need to be pessimistic?
Affirmative resignation
What is the name of the prayer that relates to some ideas from Adlerian psychology like the separation of tasks?
The serenity prayer
What is the first line of the serenity prayer?
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
What is the second line of the serenity prayer?
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
What is the third line of the serenity prayer?
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
What is generally taken to mean accepting something undesirable but inevitable, but could also mean to have a firm grasp on the truth of things?
Resignation
Does arriving at affirmative resignation automatically mean the community feeling is reached?
No
If you have arrived to affirmative resignation, what is the next thing that becomes absolutely essential?
Confidence in others
The confidence in others advocated in Adlerian psychology must be completely what in order to build a deep relationship?
Unconditional
What should you do if you do not want to make your interpersonal relationship with a person better?
Sever it
If you want to sever the interpersonal relationship with another person, whose task is it to do so?
Yours
What is the goal of confidence in others in Adlerian psychology?
To form deep relationships (it also helps build horizontal relationships)
The joy of interpersonal relationships, and life, comes from what courage?
The courage to enter deeper relationships by having confidence in others
What is the antonym of confidence that if placed at the interpersonal relationship, is not a way to build a deep relationship?
Doubt
Is arriving at self-acceptance and having confidence in others enough to attain community feeling on its own?
No
After arriving at self-acceptance and having confidence in others, what comes into play in order to contribute to community feeling?
Contribution to others
Labor/work is not a means of earning money according to Adlerian psychology, rather it is a common form of what?
Contribution to others
What is accepting one's irreplaceable self just as it is in Adlerian psychology?
Self-acceptance
What is to place unconditional confidence at the base of one's interpersonal relationships in Adlerian psychology?
Confidence in others
How might contribution to others seem if those others are seen as enemies?
Hypocritical
It has been said that how many years are necessary to truly understand Adlerian psychology?
Half the number of years one has lived so far
Workaholism (focusing on work and avoiding other responsibilities by using work as an excuse) is an example of what?
The life lie
Did Adler recognize ways of living that have certain aspects that are unusually dominant (not concerning themselves with everything)?
No
All problems are interpersonal relationship problems, yet where is a place happiness is to be found?
Interpersonal relationships
What is the greatest unhappiness for a human being according to Adlerian psychology?
Not being able to like oneself
With contribution to others in Adlerian psychology, does it matter if the contribution is visible or invisible?
No
What is the definition of happiness in Adlerian psychology?
The subjective feeling of contribution to others
The subjective sense of being of use to someone, or the subjective feeling of contribution to others, is how what is defined in Adlerian psychology?
Happiness
To avoid the healthy efforts of studying, practicing, improving oneself at something, etc. by being purposefully problematic as an easy way to get attention from other people is called what?
The pursuit of easy superiority
Rather than a story which suggests a line, what is life according to Adlerian psychology?
A series of moments
One should live through the series of moments that is life as if one were doing what (as a metaphor)?
Dancing
Why is dancing a good metaphor for how one should live through every moment?
The goal of dancing is to dance
How might a life focused on achieving a goal as efficiently as possible be described (if the goal were reaching the top of a mountain, the fastest way is taking a helicopter)?
Kinetic (movement with a starting point and end point that is optimal if carried out as efficiently as possible)
How might a life focused on experiencing every moment, treating the process itself as the outcome be described (the goal is mountain climbing itself and not simply getting to the top)?
Energile
Life is a series of moments, and related to that, what two things do not exist?
The past nor the future
What is the greatest life lie?
To not live in the present because you are trying to look at the past or future
When living life earnestly in the here and now, one must not confuse being earnest with being what?
Serious
What is the general meaning of life?
Life, in general, is meaningless
Whatever meaning life has must be?
Assigned to it by the individual
What is the guiding star to a life of freedom according to Adlerian psychology?
Contribution to others
According to Adlerian psychology, if you do not lose sight of this guiding star, you can do whatever you like. What is the guiding star?
Contribution to others
Following the guiding star of contribution to others, to live each moment like a dance means you should not try to look at what?
The past or future
Is there any need to compete with others, since the guiding star is contribution to others?
No
When applying the ideas of Adlerian psychology, does it matter at all whether other people cooperate?
Nope
What is the statement that the book on Adlerian psychology ends with?
The world is simple and life is too
Who was the Austrian medical doctor and later psychotherapist who founded the school of individual psychology?
Alfred Adler
Who proposed that contributing to others was how an individual feels a sense of worth and belonging?
Alfred Adler
Who coined the term inferiority complex?
Alfred Adler
Success in the "life tasks" described by Adler depend on what?
Cooperation
With what did Adler argue human personality could be explained?
Teleology
What personality type in Adler's scheme has a lot of social contact and makes changes for the good (outgoing and active)?
Socially useful
What personality type in Adler's scheme strive for power and are willing to manipulate situations and people, anything to get their way?
Ruling/dominant
What did Alfred Adler propose is how an individual feels a sense of worth and belonging in family and society?
Contributing to others
What is the really hard way to say social interest/community feeling?
Gemeinschaftsgefuhl
What was the isolating element that was part of Adler's early work and that he argued played a key role in personality development?
The inferiority complex
Adler's idea that the individual unconsciously works to convert feelings of inferiority to superiority or completeness is an example of explaining things with what?
Teleology
What is the danger with typology (an act that Adler opposed)?
To gaze reductively (to lose sight of the individual's uniqueness)
What type of person in Adler's scheme is someone who has developed a shell around themselves which protects them, but they must rely on others to carry them through life's difficulties?
Getting/leaning
When getting/leaning type people are overwhelmed, they develop symptoms like phobias, obsessions, compulsions, anxiety, hysteria, amnesia, and so on, that are all typically thought of as what generally?
Neurotic symptoms
What type of person in Adler's scheme hates being defeated and may be successful, but took no risks to get there?
Avoiding
Adlerian psychology is not a strict science because it does not have what?
Falsifiability
Religion explains the world by means of?
Stories
The most important difference between philosophy and religion may be the presence or absence of what?
Stories
Philosophy explains the world by means of?
Abstract concepts
In a metaphor for searching for truth, walking down a long path of darkness and hearing a voice "Nothing further lies ahead. Here is truth." which causes you to walk off the path represents what?
Religion
Someone who claims that they know everything can be said to have ventured into what?
Religion
What is the intended objective of education according to Adlerian psychology?
Self-reliance
The point of view in Adlerian psychology that all people are seeking to escape their helpless and unfree positions and achieve self-reliance is the idea of what?
The pursuit of superiority
What is not necessarily intervention into the task of studying (that would violate the separation of tasks) but can be considered to be providing assistance toward self-reliance?
Education
What term did Adler use to refer to knowledge including how one should live in a community and interact with others, and the knowledge that people need to live happily?
Human knowledge
What is the way one can gain human knowledge (Adlerian psychology)?
By being engaged in interpersonal relationships
When assistance, education, coaching, and counseling adopt self-reliance as the objective, what is the point of entry?
Respect
To extend respect to people of all kinds like passers-by and people in other countries is what?
Respect for people
What is respect in Adlerian psychology?
The ability to see a person as they are and be aware of their unique individuality
To see a person just as they are is what in Adlerian psychology?
Respect
Accepting a person as they are without setting any conditions is what in Adlerian psychology?
Respect
What might be regarded as the starting point of encouragement in Adlerian psychology?
Respect
What two things cannot be forced according to Adlerian psychology ("respect me!" will make no person comply)?
Respect and love
It is unlikely for there to be respect in a classroom if there is what other thing?
Fear
What is the base of all interpersonal relationships?
Respect
This old Socrates was a formidable opponent!
Do not rebuke. And do not praise.
In other schools of counseling, shock therapy style approaches try to invoke strong emotions by probing into the past. There is no magic in Adlerian psychology.
Do not rebuke. And do not praise.
In other schools of counseling, shock therapy style approaches try to invoke strong emotions by probing into the past. There is no magic in Adlerian psychology.
Adler faced his clients as what?
Friends
What is all joy according to Adlerian psychology?
Interpersonal relationship joy
What must a teacher be to be able to teach others to be self-reliant?
Self-reliant
What is to break away from self centeredness?
Self-reliance
What is a task accomplished by two people?
Love
What is accomplished by two people through the task of love?
A happy life
What is to love?
To become an adult
Where is the place where children first learn friendship and dig up community feeling?
School
How did Adler refer to people who use their weaknesses or past traumas as a means to control others and restrict their behavior?
Pampered children
What is the building of the happiness of an inseparable us?
Love
What is the task for two people that is to accomplish living a happy life?
Love
What is more difficult: loving another person or being loved by a person?
Loving another person
What is the love that is not divine nor animal?
Human love
What is believing in another party with conditions?
Trust
What are friend relationships built on (confidence or trust)?
Confidence
What is the incomparable survival strategy that the human race acquired to compensate for its physical inferiority?
Division of labor
Why do humans work?
To survive
Why do humans create society?
To work and divide up labor
Who first pointed out the importance of the division of labor in economics?
Adam Smith
What is more important than the work that one does?
The attitude one takes toward the work
What is the starting point in order to assist a person toward self reliance?
Respect
What lies at the root of respect?
Confidence
Can one have confidence in someone who one does not respect?
No
What is a work relationship without friendship based on?
Trust
Just as a human being can grow as an individual...
The entire human race can continue to grow
How can you believe in a person who you can see telling lies clearly?
Believe in the whole person
What is a friendship relationship based on?
Confidence
A person drunk on what will be unable to recognize the values of others?
Justice
Who may have been first to consider the division of labor in psychology?
Adler
What is believing in others without setting any conditions?
Confidence
What are work relationships built on (confidence or trust)?
Trust
Can confidence in others exist without self confidence?
No
All biographies and history books are what (because they are manipulated by those in power with great skill by the powerful at the time to try to prove their legitimacy)?
Apocrypha
What are the first 2 of the 3 sides of what people speak about in counseling?
That bad person and poor me
What is that abstract thing that everyone complains about?
That bad person
What style of approaches not present in Adlerian psychology are considered by at to be magic?
Shock therapy
What is the fifth stage of problem behavior?
Proof of incompetence
An organization where someone uses their power to suppress others has what, at its foundation?
Irrationality
What is Adlerian psychology based on instead of magic?
Respect
Are rebuking and praising necessary?
No
Who is the sovereign of the classroom?
The students
What can an organization that is under the control of a dictator not avoid?
Corruption
What is that abstract thing that everyone pleads?
Poor me
What should you focus on instead of complaining about that bad person and seeking agreement about how they are bad or pleading poor me?
What should I do from now on?
What is that abstract thing that everyone blames?
That bad person
What will occur if you look like you are about to get angry?
A power struggle
Understanding the 5 stages of what will allow you to discern whether rebuking is right or wrong?
Problem behavior
What is the first stage of problem behavior?
Demand for admiration
What is the second stage of problem behavior?
Attention drawing
What is the third stage of problem behavior?
Power struggles
What stage of problem behavior is stalking an example behavior of?
Revenge
What is the final stage of problem behavior in contemporary Adlerian psychology?
Proof of incompetence
What stage of problem behavior is a child who does something bad just to stand out?
Attention drawing
A child who strives to demonstrate drive and obedience is in what stage of problem behavior?
Demand for admiration
There is no need for words of what when teaching?
Reprimand
Should a crime only committed by a child due to ignorance be punished?
No
How many stages are there to problem behavior according to The Courage To Be Happy?
5
What is the fourth stage of problem behavior in Adlerian psychology?
Revenge
What is the only thing you should do right away with a power struggle?
Do not engage, get away
What does the third stage of problematic behavior exhibit a lot of?
Power struggles
What are the 3 sides of the triangular column used in Adlerian counseling?
That bad person, poor me, and what should I do from now on?
What is the fundamental thing to start with to face any situation with other people when you use Adlerian psychology?
Respect
When are rules accepted in Adlerian psychology?
When they are established through democracy (mutual consent)
What happens when rules are established according to someone's solitary judgement and then are enforced unequally?
The ruler will need to use their power to suppress others
What is a constructive and scientific psychology of human knowledge that is based on respect for people?
Adlerian psychology
Adlerian psychology is based on seeing other people with what?
Respect
What matters more than what happened in the past?
What meaning is given to the past in the present
What is the point that we should be talking to each other about?
What should I do from now on?
What is painted in an endless array of colors of now?
The past
What are two things that are unnecessary to talk about, and when people complain about them, you can ignore it because there is nothing there to talk about?
That bad person and poor me
To get to the essence of teleology, what is the fundamental thing you must to realize?
The past does not exist
What is a skill and attitude that one has when walking side by side with another?
Empathy
What is a grand story that is constantly manipulated by the powerful for the purpose of proving the legitimacy of those in power?
History
What is something true about empathy, since it is a skill?
It is something one can learn
What is the issue to focus on more than how the world is?
How we are and how we see the world
How can one have the eyes of another?
Imagine what appears in their eyes
How can one have the ears of another?
Imagine the sounds their ears hear
Is it possible to escape our own subjectivity?
No
What does a teacher who is always rebuking students show about rebuking?
That rebuking is not effective. If it was, some number of times would be sufficient
Just by looking like you're about to get angry, what will happen?
A power struggle
What's the fourth stage of problematic behavior (Adlerian psychology)?
Revenge
Stalking, self-harm, and social withdrawal are all within the realm of what in Adlerian psychology?
Revenge
What is the fifth stage of problem behavior, that comes after revenge?
Proof of incompetence
What can you do to when someone is in the proof of incompetence stage?
Nothing, refer to a specialist
What might be the final goal/what someone in the proof of incompetence stage is trying to say to you?
Abandon me
What does Adlerian psychology lack that makes it not a true science?
Falsifiability
"I will always think about myself, other people, and the world. Therefore
I will not know without end"
What is the objective of education (Adlerian psychology)?
Self-reliance
What is the way human knowledge can be learned?
By being engaged in relationships with other people
What are the two objectives for behavior (Adlerian psychology)?
To be self-reliant and to live in harmony with society
What are the two objectives for the psychology that supports behaviors to be self-reliant and live in harmony with society?
Consciousness of having ability and consciousness that people are my comrades
Respect is the ability to do what?
See a person as they are and be aware of their unique individuality
What is seeing people as they are?
Respect
What also means that a person should be allowed to grow and unfold from as they are?
Respect
Accepting a person as they are and setting no conditions shows great what?
Respect
What is the only possible point of entry in education?
Respect
One definition of what word is to see a person as they are and to be aware of their unique individuality?
Respect
Is it possible to know the past version of a person?
No
What do Adlerian thinking people talk to each other about?
What I/we should do from now on
What is carrying out change, when taken to its extreme?
Death
What decides the past?
Your now
Courage and respect are contagious, and where does it begin?
With you
What is the concern that another person should grow and unfold as they are?
Respect
What is the starting point of encouragement?
Respect
What is the first stage of problem behavior?
Demand for admiration
What is the second stage of problem behavior?
Attention drawing
What is when a child is unable to gain a privileged position even when they have done a good thing?
Attention drawing
What is the condition of having neither the resolution nor courage to use his reason without direction from another?
Juvenile condition
What does Kant declare you should have the courage to use?
Reason